Being a mother

Mothering just grows on you so much so that you begin to start enjoying it after a certain point of time.The stress,the sleepless nights,the endless rocking,the incessant whining ,crying while you just hover around not knowing exactly whats wrong with the little one and how to stop her crying,and also how to keep your own temper in check.Everything takes a backseat when she looks at me with that little twinkle in her eyes,when she gives me a clumsy flying kiss,or when she smothers me by clambering all over me ,giggling all the time.I’m loving it.

But,I cannot turn this into a mommy blog because I think I simply cannot do justice to my adorable little brat,in words.

Finally.

I dropped my 6month old cell phone in to the washing machine ,alongwith the dirty blankets and pillow covers.Thats why it never pays to be too clean around the house.Let lying things be.

Tuesday mornings don’t get better than this,I guess.

The aftermath

I think news channels spread more terror than the terrorists themselves do.I’m fed up of switching on to ndtv/times now/headlines to keep seeing “Breaking News” like Firing in Hyderabad,Hijack Alert at all airports,Explosives found at Hospital,Air-borne terror strike expected and the likes.

I have to go to Chennai in the near future.I’m still contemplating my mode of travel.If its flight,I might get hijacked and find myself on the way to destroying myself by hitting LIC building in Chennai[ Though the chances are slim that terrorists would hijack a one hour flight plane.They may not have time to unpack all their guns and bombs].If I take a train,there may be bombs here and there.I have no desire to burn horrifically to death.

And,with all due respect,I still don’t get it when people say we should try to eliminate terror at the individual level.Like how ??I neither have a bulletproof vest [ sigh.Cannot trust even that in India,can we?] nor the license to shoot.About voting the right people to power,shouldn’t the right people be the candidates ?On one of the talk shows,Raveena Tandon had suggested very articulately that if the people think,they can even change the Constitution to bring in laws to make sure that all politicians who come to power should neither hold a criminal record,nor have been into illegal stuff blah blah.That sounds good.

Other than that,how do I take on terrorists at the individual level? By just taking a pledge,can I change anything ? This question is being asked in all earnestness – How,exactly,can I ,just me,eliminate terror ??

Any answers,anybody ? I’m willing to go the extra mile.I want my little one to be safe.I don’t want to her just jump the wagon and leave the country.I want her to grow up here.And love it.

Sariyaa Thavaraa ?

This article in today’s Hindu Magazine really moved me.

Who are we,sometimes,to decide what’s right and whats wrong ? Who are we to say that its wrong for parents ,out of sheer poverty and love for their child,to sell their child ?

Is it ok to let my child be adopted by someone else ,and be happy in her well-being,when I am not able to provide for her ? I think any mother would  rather see her child alive and kicking ,rather than dead in her own arms.

Sometimes,the law gets it all wrong.

Marriage

..to hold and to love and to cherish you for the rest of my life.

Its all wrong.

to hold and to love and to argue and to fight and to sulk and then to make up grudgingly
and then realise that no matter how many chances God would give me,I would still do it all over again
and  cherish you for the rest of my life.

Now,that sounds perfect If only vows were modified like this,marriages would last longer.

Anger Management

Its good to hit the pinnacle of your anger.’Cos ,once you reach it,you realize it just cannot get any worse than this.YOU just cannot be a more pathetic person than you are right now.And,suddenly,this realization dawns on you that Anger is an utter waste of your own precious time.People will still do what they want to do.Things will still happen the way they are destined to happen.So,why go to all that trouble to find the appropriate swear words to shout at the top of your lungs? Just Chill.I think I just figured how to manage my anger. Give up on it !

Faith

He :So,What did you pray for ?

Me : Oh,I prayed for this ,for that ,blah-blah.[ I'm just plain greedy in my prayers.] .So,what did you pray for ?

He : Nothing . I know He would give me a lot more than that ,anyways.I don’t want to reduce His blessings.

Now,thats Faith. I lack it.So much.

Belief

Things that I would normally brush off as utter crap,which suddenly seem to have taken on a new meaning.I’ve started believing in all this fervently.

• God has suddenly become larger than life for me.Earlier,it was more of a routine,a custom to bring my hands together in prayer and mutter a few words.Now,every single word is uttered with utmost desperation and fierce belief He better hang in there for me.Probably ,I’ll start bribing Him soon.
• Don’t speak out your worst fears.Fairies are listening and they’ll make every word come true.Oh,sigh, abasagunamaa pesa koodaathu. Yup,totally into it now.

Life.Teach me.Make me a believer when I’m paranoid,when I’m desperate ,when I’m terrified

Attempted murder..er..whatever

If life were as simple,
as pen on paper.
If I could rewrite a few lines,
in the earlier chapters..
If I could undo the blots
that are etched in my memory forever..
If I could fill in the rest,
with all that my heart desires..
But,then,sigh,I remember..
Life is not as simple,
as pen on paper.

If tomorrow never comes ??

This uncertainty in life,is it a boon ? To not know what tomorrow holds,to tread the path ,sometimes with fear,sometimes with excitement,and sometimes with a totally blank mind ? Wouldn’t it be better if you knew what was coming your way so that you could be better prepared for it ? I know ,I know,the age-old argument that its better not knowing whats to come which makes you want to live life.Whats the fun in already knowing whats going to happen next ?Thats like reading the last page of an Agatha Christie novel at the very outset.But,still,I wonder,sometimes..if only I could look into the future,perhaps I would read that book I wanted to for very long today,I would make that call to that long-lost friend today,I would tell someone how much they mean to me in words today,I would have a packet full of jaangiri just today itself..I wish I knew.